Buttons and Bowler Hats

I am an old person, trapped in a young woman's body.

To start: 

I swoon over tea cups, prefer black & white films, TV shows & photographs, own too many silk scarves, love the crackle of records, embroidery & the taste of honey...
I love over-sized sweaters, caramel pecan rolls, cold coffee, cowboys, plaid, amber beer & the smell of spices & books...

But as much as I enjoy the hobbies and interests of the 65+ crowd - I'm not nearly as cool as they. I need these books. Need them. I want to know how to grow a window herb garden, write a love letter, make dandelion wine & use baking soda to clean. & how to grill a steak, throw a curve ball, play harmonica & tie a bow tie.

& really, I don't know how to sew a button.

Photos via: How to Build a Fire & How to Sew a Button

Reflection

Anyone remember when I talked about the This I Believe project? Well, 8 months later - I've written my own. & it wasn't due to my own will. It was an assignment for my Emerge*AmeriCorps service year, & boy, did I treat it like an assignment -- fast typing, nit-picking, long hours of spacing out, procrastination, caffeine and a few tears.

I've been up in the air about posting it in it's entirety, but as so many around me discuss their New Year's resolutions, goals and dreams for 2011 - I figure - why not?

I realize, that as years pass my beliefs will change and grow with me. But here's what I've got now, and mayyyybe - writing a new This I believe essay will become my yearly "New Year's reflection". 

--- 

While trying to decide what I believe it soon became impossible to distinguish what I believe versus what I wanted others to know about my life, opinions, passions and dreams. It wasn’t until I looked within myself – sitting in silence with my heart – that I realized – that’s it.

When in doubt, I sit with my inner voice.

While it goes by many names – gut feeling, Devine intervention, impulse, urge, or a punch in the gut  … I believe, the answers lie within one’s self.

I believe in the importance of growing in an atmosphere of openness and trust of both yourself and the Universe. I believe that the right answer’s lie within our very core. But to get there – you’ve got to have conversations with yourself. And further – you have to be on the listening end.

Often we act before thinking. There are many times which our inner voice is unable to shout louder than our fears, doubts, and other outside influences. It is not uncommon to find materials and conformity taking the lead. Sometimes, our inner voice is the problem itself– trying to disrupt relationships, jobs and other plans going seemingly smooth – it’s always trying to make you go one step further – or highlighting your wrongdoings.

But when we are not listening our inner voice – we welcome not only that achy feeling in our gut, but also disappointment, discontent, and unhappiness.

These are opportunities to learn and grow.

Saying I believe in my inner voice – is not a statement of believing only in myself. I believe that in the process of learning to trust one’s inner voice there comes a responsibility to understand and accept the voice of others. Not everyone’s inner voice feels the same, and they may not be linear to your own. When you listen to the core of your being and try to understand that of others– differences are hard to come by.

But when they do, they are not feared, but embraced.

Our own inner voices are continually growing and changing. Teaming with our dreams, values and beliefs our inner voice is a reflection the loved ones and strangers around us. It is fueled by our experiences, stories we hear, the advice we receive, and the hard work and flexibility we put into life. We cannot decide and act alone – the trust, input, love and experiences of others will help guide you.

Trusting your inner voice is also practice in accepting the connectedness of the Universe.

In listening to my inner voice I’m able to more firmly believe in the inherent goodness of people, the value of diversity, the right of all to experience joy, and the importance of imagination.

If only we all listened to the depths of our heart – I believe there would be more passionate people, more tolerance and significantly less hunger, slavery, violence and discrimination.

While I do not believe in utopia, but I do believe that if we all take the time to listen to our inner voice- we’d know how to respond.

In the novel, ‘The Alchemist’ a man says to the young protagonist, “Listen to your heart. It knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World, and it will one day return there.”

This. I. Believe.

before bed.

50 Books Every Woman Should Read -- New Bucket List Item.

& hey, my book hording habits are working in my favor - finally - because I already own a nice chunk of them! This list almost makes me ready for this inevitable Minnesota winter.

...if only I had a cozy reading chair.

Kindness of Strangers

So remember when I blogged about the novel The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson? & I also said something about bothering a customer at the deli with all sorts of questions about it?! Well, wellllllll today before heading back home, Natalie from Washington came in and gave it to me. Isn't that sweet?

I've been serving her, her daughter, and mother  for a few weeks, and slowly been forming an interesting bond. I may have known their favorite drinks and dishes before their names, but let me tell ya - a few tears were present at our short & sweet goodbye today.

At the end of it all, I'm thankful for this rain - it's time to read.
At the end of it all II - this is all the more proof that I should move to Washington, yes?

Tattoo Crazy.

Has this book been stalking anyone else? No seriously, I use the word stalking because I feel like everywhere I go - it's there. My friends are reading it. Strangers are reading it. People who read bestsellers are reading it. My co-workers want to read it. People are talking about the movie.

& I want to be part of this crowd.

Yesterday, I just had to stop a customer at the Deli and ask questions. She didn't have many answers other than, "If you start it - power through the beginning, it's rough. Oh, and sometimes - it's very, very bad. Like, cover your eyes and blush kind of bad." Then, today I read an article by my dear Nicholas D. Kristof congratulating the novel for  bringing awareness to issues of modern day slavery and human trafficking!

Needless to say my interest & curiosity are officially sparked (even though I still know little to nothing about the series).

It would be easy enough to Internet search characters and plot summaries, but instead I'll just add Girl with the Dragon Tattoo to my "READ THIS" list. If only I had some beach time...

Whoooops

Sorry. Can't blog. Too busy attempting to soak up vitamin D between rain showers, play with my new kitten Dharma, catch World Cup games, work, go on interview(s), annnnnd spending every other second - absorbed in Half the Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn.

Heads up - I'm starting to toy with the idea of  making it required reading for anyone who wants to be my friend.

100 Day

BIG DAY!

Today is the one yr anniversary of my college graduation (oook I'm a day off - nbd). My second day of employment at the Old Market Deli in Cannon Falls. The day after Mother's Day, & most relevant to this forum - it's my 100th BLOG POST!

I've been trying to think of something fun, witty, engaging, special, yadda-yadda for this grand day. & I said to myself, "Jeanna, you've written 100 posts join the big-leaguers and attempt a give-a-way!" So, here goes - one of you lucky readers is going to receive a copy of Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook - Travel. With tips ranging from - how to survive a runaway camel, catch a fish without a pole, escape from a car hanging over the edge of a cliff to gestures that should be avoided and packing ideas -- the book is both hilarious & informative. It's the perfect conversation starter or gift for the traveller in your life.

To win, simply leave a comment! Say 'Hello', beg for the book, share a survival skill, tell me  what you want to hear next, or your favorite post - anything! Next Monday, I'll trick my dad into randomly picking a name/#/something & wa-la we'll have a winner.

Can you believe it? I've babbled via public forum one hundred times. Watch out - I'm thinkin' this entire week is going to be a celebration of my blogging adventure. I know sometimes I complain, but really, I have so much fun blogging & I hope you have fun reading! Thanks for stopping by. xoxo

The Help

I just finished reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett. First of all, it's fabulous. I literally read for days straight. Stockett did some serious character building and I feel like I personally know each narrator (2 domestic workers and 1 college graduate/journalist). It's a beautifully written story of the relationships between white housewives and their African American hired help in 1960s Mississippi. I won't try to explain more, I can never do books justice. There is a reason it's on the bestseller list.

The Help is a fictional story, but it's words and stories are true to many. I was pretty disturbed/saddened by the stories of blunt violence, sickening discrimination and outrageous rumors about minorities. Because really, these events didn't happen all too long ago (& still happen today). I also spent a lot of time thinking about how hard it must have been for all those people involved in the civil rights movement, especially those who lived in the south. It's embarrassing, but I don't know if I ever truly thought about the risk they put themselves in. I have a whole new appreciation for all those involved, and I am beyond thankful for them.

But then I turned on the news.

& any relief that I may have felt - disappeared instantly. Have we really come that far? Stories of male government officials telling their female colleagues to "go back to the kitchen", funding being cut for domestic abuse shelters and in-home care, Wal-Mart being called out for years of paying women less then men (for the same work), oil leaks, and Arizona officially stripping away the respect and dignity of it's Hispanic population. Death threats seem to be the new love letter ... and I don't even know when this started. When did our country start becoming so hateful again? Did it ever stop? Was I looking away? Everyone seems so angry. & feel overwhelmed. Sometimes, I'm scared my voice isn't loud enough, that I'm not doing enough.

So, to those of you who speak up for greater good - thank you.
& to the Grand Canyon, I'm sorry - looks like I won't get around to seeing you.

new leaf, new book.

Minor problem.

I cannot stop reading a book. If one is started, I cannot give up on it. No matter how boring, long, etc - it must be finished. Recently I started a massive book, and it's just not pulling me in (or maybe it's because I'm not into weightlifting?) yet I still continue on and steer clear of my bookshelf - though it stares at me daily with unread novels waiting to be opened. & as a result, I've found myself staying up late not with my nose in a book, but instead embracing my inner potato watching bad reality TV. Which is just ... not okay.

So, I'm turning a new leaf. I've put the barbell of a book away, and started a new one. The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun by Gretchen Rubin. I'll let you know how it is! Or you can read more about the project here.

At today's particular library trip I also picked up the beautiful movie, "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" and one of yesterday's recommended films, Munyurangabo. I sense herbal tea and comfortable chairs in my near future. 

This I Believe

What do you believe in?

I believe in empowering women, inherent goodness, gut feelings, stories, & voices. I believe in respect & dignity. I believe in sunshine. I believe in belly laughs. I believe in desserts. I believe in friendship & family. I believe in old roads & culture. I believe in xoxo's, music, deep breaths, smiles, & happy lists. I believe in peace & One World ... I believe in a lot of things, but how do you pick just one?

My reflections on personal beliefs have been jumpstarted by the book I just finished, This I Believe: The Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men and Women edited by Jay Allsion and Dan Gediman.

The This I Believe project was started in the 1950's over a lunch date between Ward Wheelock, William S. Paley (founder and CEO of CBS), Donald Thornburgh, and Edward R. Murrow (@ the time, Murrow was the country's number one broadcaster). These media big-wigs felt that materialism was overtaking the spirituality of the United States. & came up with the idea that daily, they would broadcast a 5 minute radio program of well-known individuals reading short essays on what they believe. 350-500 words on what philosophies guide one's day-to-day actions; "not what could be learned in a moment, but a lifetime".

This I Believe soon became a national (and later- international) phenomenon; it was called a "radio staple", and submissions were soon welcome from 'everyday people'. In 1952 select stories were printed in novel form, and two more novels have been printed since (I also just found a vinyl version at a used book sale - score!). The project officially left the radio in 1955 due to budget cuts, but has lived on since. Thousands of eassys still get submitted today to the This I Believe Website. 

I am in complete awe of this project. The small book took me more than a month to read simply because I felt that each essay needed to be savored (my very, very, very favorite was Everything Potent is Dangerous by Wallace Stegner). I've been in the process of writing my own essay, and think you should too. The guidelines (as taken from here) are simple: tell a story, be brief, name your belief, be positive, and be personal. 

Something to do today: Think: WHAT DO I BELIEVE? & start writing your own This I Believe essay. 

For more history, stories, merchandise, and guidelines to writing your own This I Believe essay, click here.

Love 105, 89.3 thecurrent, & Sam Cooke live

Lately, I've been a driving maniac.
Does anyone else love the sparkle in tar?

The hours spent in my car along with their partner miles have been weighing down my itrysohard-green heart with guilt, yes. But still, there is something especially exciting about learning new roads/highways, mastering maps, and discovering new places. I could ... bask ... in the feeling I get pulling up to new destination I've been looking for. I must thank my dad for a [mostly] reliable innate sense of direction. & my mom for teaching me the 'WE' trick in reference to west/east. I would be a lost puppy without them ... and obviously, googlemaps.

I'm always rambling on about how much of this world I have yet to see, but hell, I've barely even seen my own state! Thankfully, with the return of pot-holes is the return of road-trip season. Where to, where to ...

Now feels like the appropriate time to quote On the Road, by Jack Kerouac (1955, p. 20), "He took his time coming over. 'You boys going to get somewhere, or just going?' We didn't understand his question, and it was a dammed good question."

UNTIL THE VIOLENCE STOPS

February's here. Time to start talking vaginas.

Yes, yes, check it again, I said vaginas.

Now, as a lover of love, I LOOOOVE me my valentines day. Just what the depressing month of February needs; glittery hearts, secret admirers, romantic comedies, dark chocolate, and looooove in the air.

But for millions of women and girls worldwide, it is not love, but violence that consumes daily life.

Eve Ensler, the author of works such as The Vagina Monologues, The Good Body, and Insecure At Last, started the movement known as V-Day. The most common way to support V-Day is to attend a Vagina Monologues performance or Ensler film showing near you! Ames M-Shop, I'll be seeing you Friday, February 12th! (Cheering on my beautiful friends Kimmy and Christelle!)

I know it sounds scary. Really, I do. I was scared too, but after my first show in 2008 I went home and wrote this to my aunties, mommy, and friends:

"On Valentines Day, Megen and I went to the Vagina Monologues. ALL you females in the house- find a performance somewhere AND GO. Bring the men. Sounds scary- sounds too feminist or awkward - but it is fabulous. We laughed. We cried. We really did feel empowered and educated. We went home wanting to scream VAGINA! ... not. even. kidding. Really. GO! GO! GO!"

You will not find man haters, flaming bras, or tampons.

Instead, expect to sit in an atmosphere of love. Expect to hear stories of both confusion and understanding, of peace and violence. Expect to leave inspired. Expect to feel sexy and proud to be a woman (or a man who appreciates women). Expect to laugh, cry, and go, mmmhmmm. & if you're in Ames, expect chocolate vaginas for sale.

Ticket proceeds are donated to local women's shelters/organizations and also support V-Day's spotlight area. 2010's spotlight is the Democratic Republic of the Congo, where rape, forced prostitution, kidnapping, and other gender-based horrors are a daily threat to women and girls. This Valentines season, don't forget about the women and girls around the world who need our dire help. Take time during this dreary month to learn more about the V-Day movement because us Vagina Warriors aren't going anywhere "Until the Violence Stops".

(read more about V-Day from: www.vday.org where you can also find more information on Eve Ensler, her mission, ways to participate, and your nearest V-Day performance)

V-day's mission:

V-Day is an organized response against violence toward women.

V-Day is a vision: We see a world where women live safely and freely.

V-Day is a demand: Rape, incest, battery, genital mutilation and sexual slavery must end now.

V-Day is a spirit: We believe women should spend their lives creating and thriving rather than surviving or recovering from terrible atrocities.

V-Day is a catalyst: By raising money and consciousness, it will unify and strengthen existing anti-violence efforts. Triggering far-reaching awareness, it will lay the groundwork for new educational, protective, and legislative endeavors throughout the world.

V-Day is a process: We will work as long as it takes. We will not stop until the violence stops.

V-Day is a day. We proclaim Valentine's Day as V-Day, to celebrate women and end the violence.

V-Day is a fierce, wild, unstoppable movement and community. Join us!

Starr

Last night I read Pattie Boyd's autobiography entitled, "Wonderful Tonight: George Harrison, Eric Clapton, and Me"

& this:

'"Well, that was strange,' said Ringo, with his gift for the understatement."

threw me into a fit of giggles.

Something to love today: awkward situations.

Lia Lee

While I'm on my health and culture kick... book suggestion time!

I'm currently reading,

"The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down: A Hmong Child, Her American Doctors, and the Collision of Two Cultures" by Anne Fadiman.

It's wonderful.
A mix of beautifully constructed sentences, colorful stories, and interesting facts; it tells the true story of Lia Lee a young Hmong child living with epilepsy.
Only 78 pages in and already my thoughts of refugees, Hmong culture, American medicine, natural remedies, cultural sensitivity, parenting, and faith have been re-evaluated.

Something(s) to love today: intercultural communication & foreign language courses.

breathe

"Anybody can get worked up, if they have the intention. It's peacefulness that is hard to come by on purpose." - Barbara Kingsolver, Pigs in Heaven
Trying to see the bright side.

BREAKfast

I had my first day tutoring at St. Andrew's today. I help out in a lovely little library with a handful of other volunteers. Oh, how I love being surrounded by books. It was the perfect place to spend the two hours I waited for Khalda to finish her class (so we could go home together).

The moment I walked in I sensed that a book from this tiny little used book library would open my eyes to why I'm here. It sounds dramatic in type, but it happened?

I found Eve Ensler's "Insecure at Last: Losing It in Our Security Obsessed World", or maybe it found me. I literally sat down and read 2/3 without stopping or breathing for that matter.

"My experiences have led me to believe that only by wholly entering, wholly feeling, wholly inhabiting other people and experiences, are we brought to any happiness and security. Only by allowing ourselves to see what we already see and know what we already know are we freed from depression and ennui."

"How can you judge people when you have no idea where they come from?"

Ensler is EXACTLY the motivation/reminder that I needed at the one month mark of my two month journey.

(By the way, in my three hour tutoring session I sat idle for two, but spent a good 50 minutes trying to explain, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Small steps are steps just the same.)